Beer and Pavement

So, I Grew a Beard

Posted in Life by SM on December 23, 2010

Said beard.

No, I’m not starting a band. No, I haven’t changed my mind regarding hippies. I’m just growing my beard.


I don’t know. It could be a sort of mid-life crisis thing. It could be pure laziness. Again, I don’t know. It’s just a fucking beard.

However, people have their take on why I might grow a beard. All of the reasons seem to revolve around hipsters and indie rockers. Am I trying to be hip or fashionable? Again, the answer is “no.”

I just quit shaving during Thanksgiving break. That’s all.

Besides, when did hipsters corner the market on beards? Did they invent beards? Is there a law?

Man, I grew my first beard like thirteen years ago. That was way before hipsters was a thing. It made me look older, which helped as 22-year-me attempted to insure confidence in the parents of my first group of fifth-graders. I don’t know whether it worked, but I grew a beard anyway.

The last beard I grew was maybe ten years ago. Still, this way before it was cool to grow a beard. I’m not saying that I was a fashion innovator or anything, but I had a beard before growing a beard was cool.

I’ve grown a beard leading into the coldest months of the year. It keeps me warm. I don’t have to shave everyday. It’s just s beard.

There. I’ve said it. It’s done.

Now, maybe I should shave…

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10 Responses

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  1. Pizza Cottontail said, on December 23, 2010 at 7:54 am

    Earlier this year, I tried to usher in the idea of an
    ironic goatee. It didn’t work, because a) it got too itchy so I
    shaved it off after two weeks (even though people tell me the
    itchiness gets better) and b) nobody thought it was ironic. On the
    second front, it sounds like we have opposite problems. On the
    first front, three cheers for dealing with the itchiness!

  2. builderofcoalitions said, on December 23, 2010 at 9:26 am

    Yeah, I think I’ve made it past the first round of itchiness, but I know there’s more to come. I’m not sure goatees can ever really be ironic. Handlebar mustaches? Maybe.

    • Pizza Cottontail said, on December 23, 2010 at 9:41 am

      The handlebar is a very un-ironic point of pride out here.

      So, I’ve also done a lot of thinking about facial hair. What does it mean to the person wearing it? Moustaches seem to represent masculinity (except for the Rollie Fingers which I don’t get); stubble is either a symbol of fashion or depression, depending. Goatees are, what, laid back? Beards? I’m stuck. What does facial hair mean to you?

  3. Central Standard (ret.) said, on December 23, 2010 at 9:34 am

    Dude, you call that a beard?

    (Yeah, that’s right, I said it!)

    Happy holidays, man!

    • builderofcoalitions said, on December 23, 2010 at 9:50 am

      OK, Tony. I don’t know that my partner will let me grow the kind of beard you grow every winter. You win. You’re penis is larger than mine.

      Hey, why don’t you blog anymore? It’s time to start something new, me thinks.

  4. Daniel said, on December 23, 2010 at 9:57 am

    You’ll never catch me.

    Been bearded off and on around 10 years now. My ex, who dated me long enough to live with me a while, has never seen my upper lip.

    I didn’t think mustaches could be ironic until I saw a bunch of fixie-totin’ hipsters roll up in the pub one night. Ruined my life. I’m sure I’ll still be sporting one next spring.

    • builderofcoalitions said, on December 23, 2010 at 10:01 am

      Dude, I won’t catch you. First, I like being married. Second, I’ll get bored with it. Still, you have a nice beard.

      • Daniel said, on December 23, 2010 at 10:12 am

        We were out at a beer event the other night and a non-beer friend remarked on the correlation of beards on beer people. It’s pretty strange, but I’ve noticed it before as well.

        It brings all the girls to the yard.

  5. […] interesting insight from the comments under my original beard post was this: We were out at a beer event the other night and a non-beer friend remarked on the […]

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