Beer and Pavement

Ten Things I Won’t Do Tonight

Posted in Live by SM on November 29, 2011

I mentioned that I would be attending the Jay-Z/Kanye West concert in KC tonight (Tuesday). I also suggested that I would be writing a lot of lists in December. Well, it’s not quite December, but this seemed like a list that needed to be written.

As a middle-class white father in his mid-thirties, there are certain things I just shouldn’t do at any hip-hop show, namely one as big as the one I’m about to see tonight. So, I put together a list of no-no’s for me to keep in-mind.

10. Don’t dance. – Sure, I was voted the best dancer in my high school senior class, but there’s best dancer in a class of 69 students in a small, rural town in Ohio and there’s best dancer. My moves were good in 1993 because I was the only boy who dared to dance to every song at Homecoming. Besides, I can’t even figure out the Dougie.

9. Don’t not dance. – I will be at a concert and will stick out as it is. Why try not to move to the music? I have enough rhythm to sway back and forth or point at the performers on time. It’s a concert. It’s supposed to be fun. I shouldn’t pretend it’s a funeral.

8. No dropping the N-word. – This is a no-no under any terms or in any context. Luckily, I don’t know the songs well enough to know when to drop an N-bomb anyway. I’ll just avoid the word like I would any day of the week.

7. Don’t buy a t-shirt. – I usually buy t-shirts at shows, but I really don’t need a size XL shirt with Jay-Z and Kanye on it, telling my followers which cities the boys made pit-stops. This sort of t-shirt is designed for teenagers, something from which I am a long way away.

6. Don’t wear the baggy pants and oversized sweatshirt. – Nope, I have to be myself. I have some clothes that are a bit oversized, but I do that for comfort and generally go with clothes that fit these days. I am who I am. There’s no need to pretend that I’m something I’m not. I also haven’t shaved in over two weeks and will continue to wear my dark-rimmed, record store clerk glasses.

5. Try not to live blog and/or Tweet the entire show. – I do this a lot now so that my Twitter followers can experience a band with me. It seems somehow to miss the point to waste this show Tweeting. Also, I don’t really want anyone to know that I have no idea what I’m listening to or watching.

4. Resist the urge to take grainy, retro iPhone pics. – This is my thing mostly because iPhones don’t take good pictures from a distance and/or in the dark. However, I suspect I won’t be close enough to make a Hipstamatic picture worth the effort tonight.

3. Don’t front. – I’ve hinted at this, but I know very little about hip-hop or the two performers I’m about to take in tonight. I won’t try to pretend. I’ll enjoy the moment whatever it may be. There will be no phony attempts to talk authoritatively, hence the Twitter resistance.

2. Don’t sit or stand with arms folded. – Again, this is something I do a lot of at shows. Even with head bobbing, it just won’t work. I will have to dance a little bit to not seem too out of place. Bending knees and bobbing my head is acceptable.

1. Don’t not go. – Of course I had to go. I would never go out of my way to see either artist. So, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Besides, it’s not costing me a dime. The ticket has fallen into my lap. I’d be a moron not to go.

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5 Responses

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  1. Lyrics, Libations, and Life said, on November 29, 2011 at 8:03 am

    I think I would have a tough time with a few of these. Even at concerts I feel comfortable at, I still do a lot of these. So I have a feeling it is my instinct.

    • Zac said, on November 29, 2011 at 8:17 am

      Yeah, we’ll see what I actually do. I suspect arms folded and a lot of standing is in my future.

  2. ZB said, on November 30, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    You should have used your hiphopstamatic app instead


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